Like A Boss

“Remember when people used to say "boss" when they were describing something really cool? Like, "those shoulder pads are really boss man." "Look at that perm, that perm is so boss!" It's what made me want to become a boss. And I looked so good in a perm and shoulder pads. But now, boss is just slang, for “jerk in charge”
- Michael Scott, founder Michael Scott Paper Company

I recently spent some time looking for something for a newly-married co-worker in the greeting cards aisle of a local drugstore, when I noticed two things. First, whether it was birthday, graduation, “Thank you”, “Congratulations!”, or “Get well”, it seemed as if every category of card, except for wedding, came with both a serious and humorous version. I could only surmise that this is because, today, the idea of two people believing they will be together forever is comical enough in its own right that a funny card acknowledging the notion would simply be comedic overkill.
 
The second thing I noticed was a section devoted to cards being sold for an officially designated day of the year on which you recognize the one person whom you dread seeing in the morning, about whom you spend the entire day complaining to co-workers, and to whom you pay little or no attention once your workday has ended. And, no, I am not referring to your wedding anniversary. Rather, this specially marked day circled on the calendars hanging in every employee break room in the country is, of course, National Boss’s Day.

While every payday serves as your own personal Employee Appreciation Day, it is important to take the time, at least once a year, to thank your boss for allowing you to perform the overwhelmingly massive workload he or she assigns to you each day. For some, you may have been blessed with a boss who enjoys your company so much so that he stands there right behind you peering over your shoulder every step of the way enthusiastically cheering you on with such words of encouragement as “Have you finished this yet?”, and “Can you do more, but faster?”  Some of you may have been fortunate enough to land a boss who deems your competence and decision-making to be at a level at which she can simply disappear never to be found in times of need.
 
Regardless of what type of boss yours is, it is important to let them know how much they are appreciated. After all, the bigger office, better parking space, private lunches with corporate executives, and much higher pay scale can only do so much in boosting their self-esteem. The plate of store-bought cookies accompanied by that $3 card with the funny cartoon of a dog wearing a shirt and tie will surely send them skyrocketing straight to cloud nine.

According to a 2010 report published by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, the average number of jobs held between the ages of 18 and 44 for those born between the years 1957 and 1964 was eleven. Based on these numbers, the average Baby Boomer has had a new job with a new boss at least every 2 years, 4 months and 11 days

Even George Lucas had us waiting longer than that in between the release dates of each of the three movies of his first Star Wars trilogy. This means that if you loved The Empire Strikes Back when you saw it in 1980, you, most likely, found a new co-worker to stand in line with you in 1983, when you went to see Han Solo be rescued from Jabba the Hutt by a metallic bikini-clad Princess Leia.

My first job - that the IRS knew about - was spent bagging groceries and flirting with the cashiers of my local grocery store as a young 17-year old high school student. Since then, in my seventeen years of contributing to a Social Security fund from which I will probably never benefit, I have had many jobs, both part-time and full-time, lasting anywhere from three weeks to seven years. 

For some of these jobs, management - or mismanagement - was the one constant factor throughout my employment. For others, it seemed as though the boss’s office was equipped with a revolving door through which only the unfit and incapable were allowed to walk.
 
The list of people whom I have called “boss”, whether respectfully or sarcastically, is a rather lengthy one. I have encountered so many different personalities and management styles - assuming “lack of management” can be classified as a style - that it would be impossible and, somewhat, unfair to try and properly list them all. Instead, I have compiled a brief list of the most important and influential “bosses” that I have come across in my lifetime.

Other than the images of Daisy Duke forever burned in my memory,  one of my most prized possessions of my youth was my Dukes of Hazard big wheel. [if you don't know, now you know] As I was fortunate enough to live at the top of hill in a quiet neighborhood, I would spend hours recklessly navigating that plastic death cycle to the bottom of the street while pushing the boundaries of both speed and safety. With all due respect to the toy design team at Coleco, the only things more useless than the yellow, plastic hand brake were the foot pedals when trying to go up any hill with an incline greater than two percent.
 
The Dukes of Hazard is one of the first television shows I can remember watching as a young boy. Week after week I would cheer on those pesky Duke boys as they set out to foil the latest scheme concocted by Hazard County‘s wealthiest man and crooked County Commissioner, Boss Hogg.
 
This greedy, pudgy, little man in the all-white suit would spend the majority of every episode trying to imprison Bo and Luke, only to realize that he needed their help in saving his own ass from the more disreputable criminals that were after him. In the end, you would feel sorry for him and laugh as he found himself entangled in some comical, non-threatening predicament. And then you’d go to your driveway to practice sliding across the hood of your car and jumping through the opened door window.

In the 1980’s the country was advised by Nancy Reagan to give the popular anti-drug response, “Just say No.” And while we found ourselves mesmerized by an answer, there were a few questions that captivated the nation throughout most of the decade. “Who shot JR?”, “Where’s the beef?”, and, the one to which I have yet to find a decisive answer, “Who’s the boss?”
 
From 1984 to 1992, I was involved in a secret love affair with an older woman. It was a secret in the sense that even she didn’t know about it, and by “older woman” I mean that, when it started, I was 6 and she was 12.  On September 20, 1984, Alyssa Milano entered my life in the form of Samantha Micelli on the hit tv show, Who’s the Boss? While she was my reason for tuning in each week, the rest of America did so to enjoy the quirky relationship between widowed ad executive Angela Bower and former professional baseball player turned housekeeper, Tony Micelli.
 
If you believed in the stereotypes of the day, you would have said the boss was, without a doubt, Tony. On the surface, it would be hard to argue with the notion that the person in charge was the macho, Italian American from Brooklyn with the tough-as-nails exterior. After all, he was the “man of the house”, and if conservative, stuck-in-the-1950’s, American values teach us anything, it is that the man of the house is in charge. However, with all those hours spent wrapped in his red-and-white checkered apron cooking and cleaning, Tony was more Mr. Belvedere than Mr. Big Shot.
 
However, the more liberal, forward-thinking viewer would have told you that the boss of the house was Angela. She was, by definition, the bread-winner of this atypical family. And it was she who employed a male housekeeper to maintain the home that she owned in the posh Connecticut town in which they lived.
 
Although, a dark horse candidate in the Bower home for the “wearer of the pants” was someone more known for taking them off. In a time before uncomfortable commercials for erectile dysfunction ruled the airwaves, and when a cougar was nothing more than a mountain lion, 60-year old Mona Robinson was the boss of sexual innuendos. While comical at times and creepy at others, her aged animal magnetism worked for her. And, if ten years from now, there is a Sex and the City reunion movie celebrating the carnal adventures of four women in their late fifties and sixties, we’ll know who to thank for blazing that trail.

Now while I go looking for all my old editions of Tiger Beat magazine with Alyssa Milano on the cover, you tell me “Who’s the boss”.

If a movie is ever made about my life and I can only choose one person to write and perform the soundtrack, it will, without a doubt, be Bruce Springsteen. His songs, with influences from blues, folk, country, jazz, soul and funk, play like short, five- to ten- minute cinematic adventures.

With the exception of a few down years in the early 90’s, “The Boss” has passionately served as the voice of the working, middle-class for the last 43 years. And, while some of you may think it is the Friday after Thanksgiving, the official start to the Christmas season, for me, has always been the exact moment I first hear the baritone sonorous Ho, ho, ho’ing of the late, great Clarence Clemons on the E-Street Band’s Santa Claus Is Comin' to Town. [go ahead and start your Christmas now]
 
Using the perfect blend of ballads that take their listener through the streets of blue-collared Anytown, USA, mixed with the powerfully upbeat rock anthems that have brought generations of sold-out stadiums to their feet, Springsteen has produced 120 million albums sold worldwide, 20 Grammy awards, 2 Golden Globes, and an Oscar in a pear tree. Ten of the albums from his epic discography have topped the charts at Number 1 - a feat only accomplished by such legendary acts as The Beatles (19), Elvis (10), and Jay-Z (12). And, yes, it too frightens me that a such a list of historical, statistical implications cannot truly exist without the inclusion of a man who named his child Blue Ivy.
 
Whether you are feeling the despair from the struggles of everyday life, or longing to escape to a better tomorrow, just turn to The Boss. He’ll tell you what you need to hear. And I’ll challenge anyone to argue that Bruce Springsteen is not one of the greatest, if not the greatest, singer-songwriter-guitarist-live performers of all-time. Just be prepared to lose that argument if you do.
Great version of an even greater song in Born to Run. And if Badlands doesn't get your blood pumping, check your pulse

    

 

The mug says it all

Incompetent. Selfish. Ignorant. Socially-awkward. Delusional. Annoying. Non-confrontational. Kind. Caring. Loyal. Funny. It’s possible that any of these personality traits would be found in the “How would your friends describe you?” segment of my e-Harmony profile. But they may also be the various answers given by the employees of the Scranton, Pennsylvania branch of the Dunder Mifflin Paper Company if you were to ask them to describe, in one word, their boss, Michael Scott. 

Secondary to the financial success of his branch, Michael always believed in the importance of treating his employees as his friends and family. At the same time he never missed an opportunity to inject a little bit of humor, whether appropriate or not, into the workday. And while this style of management was certainly unique, it was, for the most part, effective.
 
In his tenure as regional manager - or, at least, the portion of it that was caught on tape during filming of the documentary, The Office - his branch was consistently one of the top performers in the company. In fact, he was so successful that when he left to start his own paper company he became such a threat to their business that Dunder Mifflin was left no choice but to buy out the Michael Scott Paper Company.
 
Along with his success in sales and in management, he was a successful song parody writer, the self-proclaimed “king” of forwarding hilarious e-mails, and an aspiring improv actor with many alter ego’s - my favorite amongst them being Prison Mike. [here’s a brief sampling of the others] Yet, perhaps his greatest achievement - aside from meeting the love of his life and future wife - was the movie, Threat Level Midnight, for which he wrote the screenplay as well as directed and played the leading role.

I could easily continue talking about all of my favorite Michael Scott moments, and spend some time dissecting his various relationships with his employees. Or I could talk about how, eight years ago, I could have just as easily written the same things about David Brent, the regional manager of a small paper company in the English borough of Slough. 

But I have the feeling that the longer this lasts, the harder it will be to take it all in . . . “That’s what she said!!”

Of course, a list of my favorite bosses would not be complete without including my current boss, <insert the name of whoever my boss is at whatever point in time this is being read>. He/she has played such an integral role in the success I have enjoyed in my time at <insert name of whichever company for whom I am currently unhappily working>. He/she makes it so satisfying to come in to the <insert whatever type of workplace environment I currently go to each day> and his/her leadership skills are simply above reproach. I have such a high level of respect for him/her that I could not imagine ever working for another boss.



Officially, National Boss’s Day was October 16, but it is never too late to tell your boss, or manager, how much you appreciate them and respect them and enjoy working with them.

Or you could tell them how you really feel.